i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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