Need sex. Gaining weight.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
