quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
