On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
