My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
