I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
This baby is an asshole
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
