life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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