I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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