how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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