Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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