1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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