I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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