Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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