Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
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He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
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Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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