If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
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I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
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This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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