based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My bed smells like the plague
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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