Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
