We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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