I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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