You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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