We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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