you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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