I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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