it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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