Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
