He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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