I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
