So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
