Tell her she can't have a vagina
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
as a side note pls kill me
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
