i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
