I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
