i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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