I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize