I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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