absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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