Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
