It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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