i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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