I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
