You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
