Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green