I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
