3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize