i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
