you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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