Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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