dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
