Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
