I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
