I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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