i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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