My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
It's just like the Real World with babies
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I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
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If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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