This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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