youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
This is the high leading the old right now
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
