I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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