If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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