Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize