using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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