Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
