Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
