Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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